Waking the giant — 1. An endeavor (illustrated by the story “Jack and the Beanstalk”) in which children unwisely interrupt the slumber of a dangerous creature. 2. A phone call in which a teacher provokes an apathetic parent into action by providing unexpectedly negative information about a child that will incite or enrage.

Recently roused giants, however benevolent they may have acted in the past, may seethe and storm, so a teacher must use extreme caution.

The end of the call heralds what is to come. Perhaps a parent will say, “Tomorrow Eric will show up to class in a body cast,” and if the teacher remains silent, the parent will continue, “Oh, that’s right, you’re from the Oprah generation.” Or perhaps, if the parent is slow to hang up, the teacher will overhear something like, “Get the fuck over here, Eric.”

Either scenario will cause the teacher to wonder what punishment awaits the young person. Because a teacher cannot predict if or when an awoken parent will punish a child—or know the type or degree of punishment—a good teacher wakes the giant only when absolutely necessary.

(Derek Smith)

Canary in the coal mine – 1. A highly responsive bird capable of sensing dangerous accumulations of methane and carbon monoxide in early mine shafts. 2. An unfailingly optimistic teacher sensitive to levels of toxicity in a public school.

Well into the twentieth century, mining crews would bring a canary into tunnels, and as long as crew members heard the bird’s song, they could continue working. Similarly, twenty-first century educators knew as long as they heard the whistling of an optimistic teacher, they could ignore signs of building-wide listlessness and gloom.

When the canary stopped chirping, miners knew to don protective respirators and evacuate their mines. Staff members likewise knew to close their classroom doors and pack their things. The educator most immune to the hazards of the profession was at risk, and all faculty should move toward the light.

(Derek Smith)

Crab Bucket Syndrome – 1. A phenomenon where one crab tries to crawl up the sides of a bucket to escape but other crabs grab it and drag it back down. 2. A culture of low expectations in which students who attempt to do good work, improve a school, or elevate collective standards suffer ridicule and torment from peers.

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Preparation H – 1. Hemorrhoid cream. 2. The process by which driven parents prepare children for Harvard.

Preparation H may begin at birth and continue through a child’s senior year of high school and beyond, requiring parents to monitor and manipulate a child’s social experiences and academic development. Parents do not mind visiting a school’s registrar to ask for a change of teachers; they do not mind standing outside a teacher’s classroom until the bell rings to advocate for a change in the seating chart; they do not mind stopping a teacher after Sunday service to ask why Joel received half credit on a Biology lab. One or both parents sat by Joel at the kitchen table until he completed the work, so what happened?

With a few additional grades like that, Joel will not be eligible for Harvard, or even Yale or Princeton. Without eligibility to Harvard, Joel will never graduate a contender in the worldly competition for status, expertise, and wealth.

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Donut class - A group of students divided to such a degree as to leave nothing in the middle. Alternately stellar and stupid, inspiring and insipid, these students exhibit strongly contrasting beliefs, inclinations, and behaviors. Some students help maintain the academic environment (“Be quiet, my friend is talking”), and other students undermine the learning (“Shut up. This assignment sucks ass”).

Teachers contribute to the “empty middle” by backing good students with letters of recommendation, burdening bad students with referrals and detention slips, and writing little, if anything, about anybody else. Students in the middle do not complain, as this is par for the course, the way things are and will be; students in the middle know if they want attention from a teacher, they must join their peers on the bloated perimeter.

Documented existence of donut classes is rare. Some researchers attribute this lack of proof to teacher bias; having “nothing in the middle” reflects the lens with which a teacher views a class more than the reality of the class itself. Other researches say it’s because contemporary school and community infrastructures often divide young people before they get to class; students live in gated developments on hills or subsidized apartments in valleys; there are no regular houses. They enroll in Advanced Placement, Honors, and International Baccalaureate classes, or they do not.

A circular image for a linear concept, “donut class” is a term with limited productivity.

Syn: mayonnaise sandwich. See also: crab bucket syndrome

(Derek Smith)